They these three tips to make our overused sentiments meaningful.

1. Tell them WHY they are ‘Awesome’. Every listened to the radio or seen a TV interview where the [...]]]> How many times these days do you hear parents tell their kids, “Awesome!” or “That was great!” We say them so easily these days.

They these three tips to make our overused sentiments meaningful.

1. Tell them WHY they are ‘Awesome’.
Every listened to the radio or seen a TV interview where the interviewee answers in one word responses? Pretty boring. As a radio co-host, Jack and I love it when our guest have full sentence answers! We hate, yes or no answers. They don’t mean anything.
When we compliment out kids it is the same thing. Every parent around them is complimenting their kids…but how many are telling them exactly why they were awesome.

Here are some example:

You kid presents you with a new drawing of a sunset.
“Awesome. I love the way you used the blue and the reds and the oranges in the sky. Your choice of colors was just perfect, I can just feel the sunset. It is beautiful.”

Your kid is the goalie for their soccer team…
“Awesome. I can’t believe you blocked that shot. The way you dove after the ball was fantastic.”

2. Ask them what they were thinking, how it felt or what they experienced.
Make your kid a part of the conversation. Show interest in the process that led them to their accomplishment.

Here is what I mean:

You kid presents you with a new drawing of a sunset.
“Awesome. I love the way you used the blue and the reds and the oranges in the sky. Your choice of colors was just perfect, I can just feel the sunset. It is beautiful.” “What sunset were you thinking about when you drew this. Is it one we saw together?”

Your kid is the goalie for their soccer team…
“Awesome. I can’t believe you blocked that shot. The way you dove after the ball was fantastic.” “What were you thinking when you saw them coming at you? Did you use a technique to know which way the ball was coming??”

3. Never but NEVER say but, after a compliment.
The second you end your compliment. The second those three little letters leave your lips, the compliment is lost. Got a suggestion on how they can do better? Just can’t wait to tell them how to do it next time? Just don’t. Resist the urge. Yes, I know you are trying to help. Help at a later time. Save it…don’t ruin the moment of the compliment. Ever heard someone say, “I love my dad, but I am just never good enough for him.” Guess where that comes from. If you want your kid to say, “My dad is great. He always encouraged me. He always helped me be my best.” Stop while you are ahead…don’t say but.

Bonus tip:

Don’t lie. If they were not awesome, don’t say awesome. If they tried hard but did quite make it, focus on the trying part…not the not making it part. False praise is not helpful and if you think your kid is not smart enough to know you are lying, you are kidding yourself. None of us wants our kids to hurt, it is, however, a part of life. To strive for greatness kids need to know what is great. If they are led to believe mediocre is ‘awesome’ because we are afraid to tell them the truth, they won’t know what to strive for.

www.inspiremetoday.com

They asked him: If today were your last day on the planet and you only had 500 words, what wisdom would you share with the world? Jack’s message is Saturday, only

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This website heard Jack’s story and asked him to be [...]]]> Inspiration from a13 year old…A message to parents about their children’s self-esteem

www.inspiremetoday.com

They asked him: If today were your last day on the planet and you only had 500 words, what wisdom would you share with the world?
Jack’s message is Saturday, only

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This website heard Jack’s story and asked him to be one of their featured writers. The writers change daily and he is the featured “Luminary” today.

Think of all the parents around the world who would hear his message of self-esteem….gives me goosebumps just to think about it!

If you are inspired pass it on.

www.inspiremetoday.com

We just got home from a day at Lassen National Forest. What a special special day. We went for a hike up to Crag’s Lake. About a 4 mile hike. This old dog took some time on the way out. It goes up to about 6000 feet so there is [...]]]> Hiking with my boy.

We just got home from a day at Lassen National Forest. What a special special day. We went for a hike up to Crag’s Lake. About a 4 mile hike. This old dog took some time on the way out. It goes up to about 6000 feet so there is some altitude working against my age.

We had a wonderful time. No phones, no emails, no body but the two of us. Discussion of on-line games was off limits so the conversation turned to more lofty things like, If you were a bug, what kind of bug would you be an why? If you were a mammal, what mammal would you be an why? I love these moments reconnecting with my son.

Moments he will remember for a life time, just I do with memories of my Mom, my Dad and me.

It is indeed the beginning of a wonderful summer.

One of the huge benefits Jack, my son, got when he started his business. At first he was outraged that not everyone of his neighbors wanted his service. He received the typical 20 no’s to one yes.

Let's teach our [...]]]> No means Next – Teaching our kids that failure if part of the game!

One of the huge benefits Jack, my son, got when he started his business. At first he was outraged that not everyone of his neighbors wanted his service. He received the typical 20 no’s to one yes.

Let's teach our kids that "No" is not personal!

We have to teach our kids that failure and set backs are a part of life and when they happen, we get up, dust ourselves off and move on!

It is so important that we teach our kids this is not just a holiday…a [...]]]> Saturday Jack and I went to Oak Hill Cemetery and put flags on the graves of the service members who gave their time and talents to this country. Those flags are waving today, just like flags across this country.

It is so important that we teach our kids this is not just a holiday…a day off school…a day to play with family and friends, but a day to remember the people who worked to keep us free.

Today, when you are out with your kids and you see someone in uniform or with a hat from a carrier, or a person is a car with their marine corp symbol proudly displayed, go up to them, ask if they are a vet, and thank them for their service. Let your kids see you do this. Encourage them to do the same. Let the tears fill your eyes, it’s OK to feel pride in our country. It’s OK to feel pride for those who have gone before is to protect us. It’s OK to tell them, they are not forgotten. Happy Memorial Day.

As a mom, I want to teach my kids everything they need to know about money and life, preferably before they leave my home (the oldest will be going to college in the fall, and time is running out). [...]]]> Timeless Money Lessons From Teens

By Julie Rains on 14 May 2012 wisebread.com

As a mom, I want to teach my kids everything they need to know about money and life, preferably before they leave my home (the oldest will be going to college in the fall, and time is running out). As a writer for Wise Bread, I see how I fall short compared to many readers who, based on their comments, have parents who taught them to flawlessly distinguish needs from wants or have ingrained the full value of a dollar in their children by requiring hard work inside and outside of the house on a daily basis.

Fortunately, kids and teens can learn from imperfect parents. Plus, they can teach their moms and dads financial lessons the grown-ups had never considered or remind them of timeless financial truths. Here are some things that teens have to say about spending, making, and saving money. (See also: 10 Tips From a Financially Savvy Teen)

Being Fashionable Means Having Your Own Style

High school student Syretha Shirley of Las Vegas tells me that relying on designer labels and name brands to define your style puts you on the path to being a conformist, which is counterproductive to being truly fashionable. In some cases, insecurity can influence people to copy the cookie-cutter style statements offered by leading brands. Don’t count on your shoes (no matter how expensive) to boost your self-image, she says. Have the confidence to express your style through distinct choices.

How to Develop Your Own Style

Define your signature style, set a budget, and shop at discount stores like Marshalls or thrift shops. Pull together disparate items to create your own look. To have fun and build a stylish wardrobe, take shopping trips with a friend and work together to uncover fashionable finds.

If you don’t have the time or taste to develop a distinct stand-out style, adopt a simple, tasteful one or a classic look that’s easy to create and maintain.

Making Money Can Build Your Savings and Your Self-Esteem

Jack James of San Jose, California, a 13-year-old and book author, tells me that he was surprised to find that running his own business boosted his self-esteem, which was damaged by bullying at school. During the two years that he was homeschooled to get back on track academically (Jack has dyslexia) and become stronger in his sense of self, his mom suggested that he start a business. He resisted at first, but her nagging convinced him to consider how he could earn money.

A few years ago, he began bringing in garbage, recycling, and yard waste carts in a business that continues today. Many of his neighbors are his customers, giving him the opportunity to develop friendships while also providing a service. He deposits his earnings in a savings account, which has grown to a healthy $1,000.

The side benefit from the business is the self confidence that Jack gained from generating income. Unlike bullying peers (and the adults who witness but don’t advocate for those who are being bullied), the money doesn’t unfairly judge or condemn but has the capacity to reward effort independent of learning abilities and disabilities.

How to Earn Some Money

Both teens and adults can do lots of things to earn money through money-making hobbies and side jobs, such as playing an instrument or tutoring.

Teens can make a side income doing traditional teenage jobs (like babysitting or cutting grass) and helping adults that are willing to pay them for services (like painting or moving stuff).

At any age, finding a way to make money that makes use of your natural talents is ideal not only for earning income but also to prepare you for a career or help you in your present job. My youngest son began selling his old stuff online a few years ago and learned how to present merchandise, respond to inquiries, price goods, and fill orders. He is interested in a career in technology and having some of these experiences gives him firsthand knowledge of user interfaces, financial systems (he has his own PayPal account), and more.

Don’t Worry, Just Save

Money problems are a source of worry, stress, and suffering. Syretha has watched as family members overspent on their wants, became unable to take care of their needs, and, in some cases, made mistakes in attempting to get money quickly with life-changing consequences.

How to Avoid Worry Over Money

Realize that you really will need money later, despite how distant those needs seem now. Save to avoid extreme stress and financial crises, which can lead to poor decision making and cause problems that affect long-term career possibilities, personal freedoms, family relationships, and more.

Match your lifestyle to your financial wherewithal, and make sure to set aside money for future needs. Don’t put purchases for day-to-day needs on your credit card. Use your credit card for true emergencies, not fashion wants or other types of non-essentials.

Put Yourself First

Place your values and goals above social opinion instead of trying to please or impress other people. Trying to be popular can often sidetrack your efforts so that you are unable to spend time investing in yourself and achieving your goals.

Investing in herself is a priority for Syretha. Much of her time is spent improving herself, her financial position, and her community. Currently, in addition to high school and side jobs (babysitting and braiding hair), she is being mentored, writing a book of poetry, participating in a teen empowerment group focusing on personal development and community service for young women, and attending a Boys & Girls Club where she took a Money Matters course on financial literacy.

When Boys & Girls Clubs of America partnered with the Charles Schwab Foundation to sponsor the Money Matters Music Mogul contest, both her mentor and mom encouraged her to enter. She wrote an original song that won first place and was made into a music video by hip-hop producer Kevin “Khao” Cates.

Watch video

Putting yourself first doesn’t mean not caring about others but having the freedom to focus on what is important to you. For example, one of the reasons that Syretha is so happy to win the contest is the opportunity to spread the word about being money smart to other teens.

How to Put Yourself First

Use money and time in ways that are fulfilling in the present and helpful for the future. What specific actions you take may differ from your friends but might include:

1. Earning a college degree
2. Learning something new or bettering current skills
3. Writing a book or authoring a blog

These are all ways to use your talents and money for long-term benefit, rather using money to satisfy immediate and short-lived desires.

Don’t Confuse Stuff and Status With What’s Important

Recently, my oldest son taught me a lesson about money and values. Like many parents, I have always thought that teaching kids to be unmaterialistic is best accomplished by sending them on service projects or mission trips in which they serve impoverished families. The reasoning is that teens will realize how rich they are in comparison to less fortunate others. Then they will be grateful and frugal. For example, my teenage sons have spent at least one week performing home repairs for near-penniless people referred by the Department of Social Services.

But seeing the poor live with little doesn’t necessarily translate into feeling rich with less stuff.

My epiphany came during spring break, after my oldest returned from a community-wide, church-sponsored event called the 30-hour famine. He seemed elated, having enjoyed hanging out with friends, meeting new people, and teaming with a few other kids to win the organizer’s version of the “Amazing Race.” Listening to his experiences made me realize that being happy with less is not the goal of financial wisdom (though this ability is helpful); instead, it’s valuing what’s really important, like friendships, community camaraderie, and yourself, independent of the stuff you’ve accumulated and the status that stuff may confer.

How to Know What’s Important

Spend time on the activities you enjoy, the things that will make you a better person, and the people you like to be around. Use your priorities to motivate you to do more with fewer resources, not to be stingy but to express your style like Syretha says.

Another great blog from Jill Brown:

I was reading a copy of Psychology Today and this article caught my eye,

“What Parents Can Do About Cyberbullying”

I highly recommend you read this article. (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201204/what-parents-can-do-about-cyberbullying)

I think the author is “right on” [...]]]> What can parents do when their child/teen is being bullied or cyberbullied?

http://generationtextonline.wordpress.com

Another great blog from Jill Brown:

I was reading a copy of Psychology Today and this article caught my eye,

“What Parents Can Do About Cyberbullying”

I highly recommend you read this article. (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201204/what-parents-can-do-about-cyberbullying)

I think the author is “right on” in all her points; however, the article was not at all what I thought it would be about. Parents of bullying victims often contact me, desperate for advice on how to help their bullied child. Parents tell me there is not a ton of information out there to guide parents on what to do when their child is the victim of bullying/cyberbullying. Parents find that much of the published information on this subject is written by adults with some great ideas and things that should work “in theory” but is not realistic in the life of a teen.

I was recently contracted to speak with a large school community in Virginia and asked to address these very issues. It is hard to give an exact plan to follow; there are so many factors that play into each bullying situation. I am around teens and cyberbullying every day. I have a lot of experience working with victims, bullies, parents and school administrators. Based on my personal dealings, here are some guidelines that will help:

Before anything else, get proof! Take a screen shot or photograph of the cyberbullying. Every time it happens, whether it is on your teens account or someone else’s account, record it and save it in a file. Proof of the exact behaviors, frequency and intensity is important.
Stop and think before you react! Your actions and reactions will play heavily on the outcome of this situation and future situations.

We can’t control what other people say and do. We can, however, control how we act or react.

Keep in mind that it is impossible to stop a cyberbully. There are many forms and places that a cyberbully can take out their aggression on your teen. Many times cyberbullying is anonymous so it is hard to prove. Some states are more forward thinking than others when giving consequences to cyberbullies.

The end goal is to stop the cyberbullying from happening. Many of the actions you decide to take will affect the outcome of this conflict.

Some school administrators may tell you that there is nothing they can do. I have heard administrators say, “I can not watch all students, all the time.” Do not accept this response. Every child has a right to feel safe at school.
If you can’t seem to get protection for your child at school, make sure you file a police report ever time the bullying/cyberbullying happens. They may not charge the bully but at least you have a record of the abuse.
Desperate measures call for desperate action. You may have to remove your child from that class, school bus or school.

What NOT to do:

do not fight back on-line – the cyberbully is looking for a reaction. A reaction feeds the fire and will only make the cyberbullying worse.

When dealing with the bully – do not name call, threaten or act mean, negative or hurtful. If you react by taking part in these actions you are now the bully/cyberbully.
Do not storm into the principal’s office and demand the bully to be punished. Remember two things:
Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.
There are always two sides to every story.

The job of the school is to remain neutral and solve the problem.

Do not put the school administration on the defensive – be careful about how you approach the school administration. Your attitude, tone and actions will affect how this will be handled. My advice is to approach the situation by asking for help. Your goal is to prove to them that your child is being hurt and needs protection. Keep in mind that the school administrator’s job is to protect the reputation of the school.
Do not immediately contact the parents of the bully – Think how that might affect the whole situation. I have found that bullies copy the behavior of their parents. You know the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Many parent’s first reaction is to defend their child. School administrators have told me 100’s of stories how parents have said…”my kid would never do that” before they have even heard what happened!! Another probable outcome is that it will make the situation worse for your child. It could feed the fire for the bully and cause the bullying to get worse.
Do not tell your teen to “ignore it” or “stay away” from the bully. This does NOT work. The bully is attracted to weakness. He will see avoidance as weakness. If your teen has the guts to come to you for help and you don’t help them, they will lose faith in ever feeling safe!
Do not tell your child that this is all a part of growing up or that boys will be boys. Bullying and cyberbullying is abuse and there is nothing “Ok” about it. Your job is to protect your child.
Do not tell your child to “toughen up”. A victim does not have the power to stop the abuser. In bullying and cyberbullying, it is also typically committed by a group or one bully with a group of silent bystanders. Bullying is usually not one vs. one. Teens need your advice, direction and experience. Walk your child through this until the bullying has stopped or the problem resolved.
Don’t give up! Cyberbullying is much worse than the bullying that you and I dealt with before there were cell phones and the internet. Too many kids believe it would be better to be dead than to live with the pain and humiliation of being the victim of bullying or cyberbullying.

What we CAN do:

Teach your child about personal boundaries. We have to show our children how to protect themselves by putting up an invisible wall. Your child has the “right” to only allow positive, supportive, nice behaviors through that wall.
Who are their friends? Are they healthy friendships? Do those friendships make us feel good? Teach them examples of what constitutes healthy friendships. Give examples of actions that happen in unhealthy friendships.
How do their “friends” treat those that are not in their circle of friends? Are they nice, positive and supportive of others? Or do you see them treat others with mean, negative and hurtful behavior?
Contact each teacher individually. Ask them for help. Tell them your child is being victimized and come up with a plan for the teacher to help while your child is in their classroom. Remember, if your actions put them on the defense, they will be of no help.
Block the bully on your teen’s cell phone. If you call the phone company, you can block specific phone numbers from being able to call or send text messages.
De-Friend the bully. Most social networks operate by requiring a user to “accept” a friendship in order to allow access to your profile page or to allow them to send messages. If you remove this function, you remove the opportunity for someone to contact you.
Your child’s instincts will be to read and reread the posts, looking for updates or to see if others have commented or “liked” what the cyberbullying is doing to them. Tell them not to look! (Tyler Clementi, the boy form Rutgers who jumped off the George Washington Bridge is reported to have checked Twitter and the mean comments written about him 42 times before committing suicide.)
Teach them how to remove themselves from a situation. It’s OK to get up out of that bus seat and change seats. It’s OK to walk away from someone who is humiliating them. Make a plan of how they will handle the situation when it happens.
Distract your child. Make plans to do things with your teen on the weekend. Go to the movies, get manicures or take the dog for a walk. Ask them to help you with a project. Volunteer together.
Help them meet new people and foster healthy friendships.
Get your teen involved in “adult” chaperoned activities such as scouting, church groups or charity work.

When a teen commits suicide, so many times we hear parents say, “I had no idea how much pain my child was in.” Make it your business to know who is saying what to your child. It is your job to protect your child!

If you have had experiences that might help others, please share them in the comment section. This is a great forum to offer support to each other! I look forward to hearing other experiences!

Jill

Don’t Be Dismissive.

If your kids open up to you, whether it is about bullying, romances going on a school, school work, the sports team, whatever it may be, don’t say stuff like. “Yeh, I know, that happened [...]]]> Most Important aspect of talking to your kids!

One final thought about talking to your kids…..

Don’t Be Dismissive.

If your kids open up to you, whether it is about bullying, romances going on a school, school work, the sports team, whatever it may be, don’t say stuff like. “Yeh, I know, that happened when I was a kid, they’ll get over it.” or “You’re being way too sensitive”, and “Come on, that’s nothing”. Do this and your kid wont talk to you about anything important.

Treat each conversation your kid decides to have with you as if it was the most vital and important conversation ever! Then, when it comes to the most important vital stuff…guess who they’ll go to??

That’s right YOU!

1. Don’t be in a hurry. It took them some time to get the guts to talk to you about this stuff….don’t rush them! If your kid’s conversation starts to wander [...]]]> 3 more conversation killers with your kids

Here are three more things to keep in mind when you are talking to your kids.

1. Don’t be in a hurry. It took them some time to get the guts to talk to you about this stuff….don’t rush them! If your kid’s conversation starts to wander (and it probably will), get back on track by asking, “what happened next”. Avoid saying, “Hurry up” or “Get to the point”.

They crave your time and energy!!! Give it to them. Think of it as a flower opening in the sun…this is NOT time lapse photography!!!

2. Don’t placate them with meaningless reassurances. “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”, “Things happen for a reason”, “This will work itself out”, etc. It’s 1,000 times better to say nothing than to bush this important stuff off under the rug.

Think back when you were a kid and to a time when you had the same thing happen to you. Tell them about it. Be candid. Talk about your feelings! Kids love to know they are not alone. When you do this, you identify with them! They will know you understand and they will trust you more.

3. Under no circumstances should you interrupt. When your kid talks, just listen. Do NOT jump in with corrections or contradictions. Do not finish their sentences for them. Do not talk over them. Just Listen to Learn!

God gave you two eye and two ears and only one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you talk and observe them!

Be thoughtful. Listen to them. Repeat what they said back to you to make sure you have it correctly. Sometimes they will talk about one thing, but it is really another they are concerned about. Take the time to make sure you know what the issues is and listen, listen, listen!

1. Being distracted, getting interrupted. The TV doesn’t need to provide background noise. Make sure cell phones and blackberries are off (yours and theirs). Jesse Jackson said, “Your kids need your presents, not presents.” [...]]]> Conversation killers with your kids!

Here are three surefire ways to kill your credibility and your conversation with your kids.

1. Being distracted, getting interrupted. The TV doesn’t need to provide background noise. Make sure cell phones and blackberries are off (yours and theirs). Jesse Jackson said, “Your kids need your presents, not presents.” He could not be more right!!!

2. Wrong Environment. Sensitive conversations should be carried out in a place where no one else is listening – and away from other siblings.

3. Making faces, Getting loud. If your face twists up and broadcasts distress or anger, your kid will clam up. If you get loud, they’ll become silent.

When we communicate:
40% is tone of voice
50% is body language
and only 10% are the actual words we say!

So be careful how you appear when you talk to your kids. This is why talking about ‘stuff’ is great in the car because you can always be watching the road while you LISTEN TO LEARN!!!